


Heaven Was Needing A Hero

by jodles04



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Buddie Big Bang 2020, Cameos by other 911 Characters, Character Death, Guardians - Freeform, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Major Character Death With A Twist, Supernatural Elements, flashbacks throughout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jodles04/pseuds/jodles04
Summary: A twisted, unforeseen ending to the lawsuit caused one of the most vibrant members to never return amongst the ranks of the 118. Those left behind attempting to move on, with a constant pain that could never fade permanently. Until, words were uttered that broke the mourning, and instead left one of those left behind with a sudden pang of hope.“I saw him! He was standing on the other side of the playground, but he disappeared before I could get to him. He smiled at me and was wearing gold. I know he’s gonna come back, so I need to get a picture ready.”Could he truly return?--A story for the Buddie (Mini) Big Bang 2020
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 139
Collections: Buddie Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe it is time to post these. 
> 
> Firstly, I want to thank the wonderful and amazing JayB (will-byers-protection-agency on Tumblr) who has created [art](https://will-byers-protection-agency.tumblr.com/post/622274076038365184/heaven-was-needing-a-hero-by-jo)of this work. Please, ensure you go and check out the amazing work for this fiction. Even more love for standing in last minute to create them. You are an absolute angel. 
> 
> Secondly, thank you to my two beta readers. Such amazing feedback, and it couldn't have been done without you!
> 
> Lastly, please ensure you read the warnings. There is mention of major character death, but it is also a twist, which means all the main characters will be fully within this fiction. I could never truly kill a major character permanently without changing it somehow. But yes, the main plot does resolve around Major Character Death - so please be careful if that isn't your thing. <3
> 
> (I hope you enjoy, italics are flashbacks) <3
> 
> Love you all

A fairytale ending is often described as a perfect resolution to a story. A fairy-tale ending is usually simple, romantic, with stories being wrapped together in a tiny invisible bow to signal that those involved lived happily ever after. They are the type of ending which a daydreamer may dream about, that a child may long to live after watching their favorite movie for the fifth time in a row. Unfortunately, the tale which is about to be told is not one of those stories. Beware, dear reader. If it is a tale of romance, where the two fools fall in love and live happily ever after, you wish to hear, my advice may be to find your childhood book of fairytales. For this is a story of loss, of bargaining, and above all, acceptance.

♠♠♠♠

Donald Baxter had been the caretaker of the Lost Souls Cemetery for almost fifteen years. He had witnessed thousands of mourners, he had scared away many teenage drinkers, he had even broken up a fair few family fistfights. His father had been right when he had told him that he would never be a wealthy man. Baxter didn't care, he would always have pride in his work, ensuring that the grounds were picture perfect. He spent a little extra time ensuring that those graves who did not have mourners attending were well kept, and in his spare time, would wonder more about those who were his company. 

There was a grave which had appeared three months before that had kept him intrigued since the funeral. Baxter had seen a variety of mourners within the first few weeks. Recently, he had seen the same selection return, though often separately. He witnessed a brunette female with long hair coming at least three times a week, mostly alone though on occasion with a man who was close to her side, replacing the flowers which had perished in the LA heat. He had seen a middle-aged man kneeling down, hand on the stone, head down at least twice a week. He had even seen a female cop passing by whilst on duty half a dozen times. 

He always kept his distance from mourning friends and family, in order to allow them room to grieve. That did not stop him from wandering, and he longed to know more about the life - and tragic end - of Evan Buckley. It was a warm Saturday, and he was close to clocking off his duty when he spotted the same brunette woman walking towards the grave he was so curious to know more about. For the first time since the funeral, she did not carry flowers. His eyes followed as she finally stood in front of the stone, and he moved away, in order to offer privacy. 

Madeline “Maddie” Buckley knelt down, as she reached out and ran her hand over the silver name on the stone. She felt a few tears fall, as she tried to keep herself composed. She knew that she had allowed her visits to falter over recent weeks, though she always found some time to come and speak with her brother. Running a hand over the indentation of his name, she wondered if the pain she felt would ever truly dull. 

“Hello, Evan.” She said, her voice quiet and emotional. “It’s me again. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you yesterday. I had a doctor’s appointment. I…” she paused, as she attempted to find the words. “I have some news for you. Not even Chim knows, Evan. The moment I found out I just wanted to tell my little brother. I wanted to share with you this moment with you,” Maddie felt a few more tears fall. “I’m pregnant. You’re going to be an uncle. I just wish you were here with me, little brother. I need you here with me.” 

She allowed herself to break, as she wrapped her arms around herself in comfort. Maddie knew that a miracle would not occur on that occasion. Three months after her brother’s funeral, she was finally starting to realize that the youngest Buckley would not be able to return to her side once more. She remained by his grave as the light started to fade, telling him stories about her week, and about the family who had been broken by the loss of their most vibrant member.

♠♠♠♠

_Life changed for those who loved the firefighter that was Evan Buckley on the 31st of October 2019. When the other members of the 118 arrived at the station for the start of their Halloween shift, the youngest firefighter had remained missing. It was due to be the first shift back for him since the lawsuit had been dropped, which everyone had secretly been dreading. There was no doubt that the five members closest to Buck had felt hurt after he had spilled private information to his lawyer._

_Thirty minutes into the shift, Bobby’s mixed emotional state of worry and hurt, turned to full-blown concern. Buck had never been late without sending a message to one of them. Even with the current distance, Bobby knew he should have received at least a text. It had been a long few weeks, and he knew that Buck would have been eager to come to work, after fighting for the chance tooth and nail._

_As the clock hit the hour mark, the alarm bells rang both in the station, and figuratively in the captains’ mind._

_“Cap, do you need me for this?” Eddie’s voice broke through Bobby’s thoughts as he wandered to the trucks. He turned to see Eddie, concerned etching over his features. He had noticed a lot of bruises forming over his colleague recently, which corresponded with Buck’s suit. For Eddie to break through his anger towards Buck, to show concern, Bobby knew in his gut he had every right to be worried._

_“We’ll cope. Call me as soon as you find him.” Bobby said, as Eddie nodded and hurried towards his truck. The sirens faded, as Eddie started up his vehicle, and started towards Buck’s apartment with fear dripping in his veins. His call to Buck ignored, ringing to his annoying joking voicemail message._

_“This isn’t funny, Buck. You’ve gotta call me back. Where are you?”_

_Eddie finished the message - the fifth he had left in thirty minutes - as he wondered how his best friend would explain this._

♠♠♠♠

There had been a hurricane of grief over the members of the 118 - and their extended family - since the discovery on Halloween. Whilst everyone had no choice but to start ‘moving on’ with their lives, they often stopped and wondered for a moment the ‘what if’ scenarios which could never be. Chimney had been there to support Maddie throughout, the two moving forward in their relationship, brought together by their grief. Hen and Karen were going through the process of becoming foster parents, whilst Bobby and Athena were attempting to cope by focusing on supporting those around them. 

As for Eddie, he was worried about his son. 

Christopher, in recent weeks, had started to show glimpses of the happy boy he had always been. Losing Buck had been difficult for everyone, however, the youngest Diaz had already buried his mother that year. To lose another person who he was close with, it had switched something off within him. For almost two weeks after being told that ‘his Buck’ had left to be with his mother, Christopher had not uttered a single word. Nightmares returned with an additional terrifying layer, which meant that there had been little sleep within the Diaz household. 

Silence had been broken, Christopher would now speak to his father and loved ones, but a glimmer in his eyes had only returned recently. Which meant Eddie knew something was the matter when his son returned from school and went straight into his room without speaking more than a few words. Eddie let out a small sigh, as he tried to prepare mentally what the issue would be. He had tried to remain strong for his son, but months after losing his best friend, Eddie still hadn’t truly come to terms with it himself. 

As he entered his sons’ bedroom, he found him sitting on his bed with drawings next to him. Eddie’s heart pounded as he recognized the artwork straight away. Christopher had never understood why he had been kept away from Buck during the lawsuit. He had drawn the pictures, every day begging his father to take him to see Buck in order to give them to him. They remained unseen by the recipient, a fact that caused Eddie unbelievable grief. 

“Hey kid, what you got there?” He asked, wondering if pressing would help the situation he now faced. Christopher looked up, his eyes wide. Instead of seeing sorrow, Eddie couldn’t actually explain the look he was being given. 

“I’m trying to decide what picture to give Buck,” Christopher said. “Maybe I should draw another one.”

Eddie knelt in front of him, placing his hands gently onto his son's knees. 

“I’m sure Buck would have loved these drawings.” He said, wincing at the use of past tense. He was shocked to see his son shaking his head, in an aim to disagree with his statement. 

“I’m going to give them to Bucky! When he visits me again at school.”

Eddie paused, attempting to wrack his mind around what was being said. He knew that it would be impossible for Christopher to have seen Buck. His son, however, seemed so adamant, so honest at what he had seen. He didn’t want to break his son once more, but at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t let his son convince himself. 

“Chris, I know you think you saw Buck, but it’s not possible. Remember, I told you that he’s with mom now? He couldn’t have been with you at school.” 

“I saw him! He was standing on the other side of the playground, but he disappeared before I could get to him. He smiled at me and was wearing gold. I know he’s gonna come back, so I need to get a picture ready.”

Eddie closed his eyes, before mentally deciding to make another appointment for his son with his therapist. Before he could say anything else, Christopher had already made his decision to start a new image. Eddie stayed silent as he watched his son drawing, wondering if the image would be able to give him the knowledge that was currently within his sons’ mind.

♠♠♠♠

_Eddie hadn’t been to Buck’s apartment since before the firefighter had actually filed the lawsuit. This was a retaliation which gave him much anger at his own actions. If he had acted like a true friend, would Buck still have acted in the same way? If they had been there for him, would there be any awkwardness between them now? As the elevator took him to the correct floor, Eddie noted the message from Athena asking him for an update. Clearly, Bobby had called the police sergeant on his way to the team’s latest call._

_The Texan moved quickly down the corridor, reaching in the familiar door. Although he had a key for emergencies, Eddie didn’t want to barge inside. He remembered when he had, before the tsunami. Buck had been in such a deep sleep, he had been able to sneak in Christopher and set him on the couch before waking the other man up. With the distance between the two, Eddie did not know whether he would even be wanted._

_“Buck? Are you in there?” Eddie called out, rapping on the door loudly. “Buck? You know you’re meant to be at work right now.”_

_A few more knocks and Eddie stopped. He had spotted Buck’s jeep in its space when he had been parking. He let out a sigh, as he fished out the key. If he found Buck asleep, he knew that Bobby would be furious at the younger man. Turning the key, Eddie pushed open the door - and froze._

_A strong, familiar smell hit him in an instance. One which he had become accustomed to during his time serving his country, which he had come to know throughout his duties with the LAFD._

_Blood._

♠♠♠♠

Christopher’s statement about seeing Buck played in his mind all of the previous evening. Dropping his son to stay with his aunt, Eddie was a quarter of a way through his shift, though his mind was elsewhere. Christopher was adamant that he had seen the man, dressed in gold and smiling at him before he had disappeared. Had his son just seen something that he had longed to see? There was no other option, Eddie knew that better than anyone else.

They had only been called out once thus far, though they had dealt with the minor car accident swiftly before returning to the station. Eddie sat on one of the couches upstairs, staring at the wall opposite as his mind raced. It took a moment for him to realize that someone was attempting to speak with him. 

“Talk to me, Eddie.”

As Eddie turned, Bobby was hovering by the couch. With silent permission provided, the captain sat down next to him. Eddie was not a fool, he could tell that they were alone because Bobby had sent everyone else on chores. He could see Hen and Chim near the ambulance, doing some sort of restocking of the already stocked equipment. Eddie held his head in his hands, as he felt Bobby’s hand on his shoulder in an aim to be comforting.

“When I got home yesterday, Christopher told me that he had seen Buck at his school.”

He felt Bobby tense, though he managed to compose himself to keep the comforting hand in place. Eddie felt guilty about speaking to his captain. The man had suffered grief as the rest of them, but Eddie also knew that Bobby blamed himself for what had occurred to Buck. Not even Athena had been able to convince her grieving husband that he had not been at fault. Eddie knew that he would be the best person to provide advice. He needed to try and understand why his son thought he had seen the younger firefighter. He finally looked up, not commenting on the sorrow which had filled Bobby’s eyes. 

“I tried to explain that it wasn’t possible. I thought he understood that Buck couldn’t come home to us. He spent last night drawing pictures to give to him, he swears that Buck will come back and visit him again.”

Eddie’s voice was broken, as he allowed himself to show the emotion he had held back from his son’s view. For weeks after the event, Eddie had not slept more than an hour a night. Any sleep he did manage to achieve was full of nightmares of blood, of the pale skin of the younger man, of a voice telling him that he had caused the events to occur. 

“Have you spoken to his therapist?” Bobby asked, knowing that Eddie had been actively working with the man in order to try and help Christopher. 

“I got him an appointment on Friday,” Eddie said, sitting back against the seat. “If I hadn’t kept Christopher away from Buck, if I had just forgiven him, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Christopher had lost precious time with Buck. Eddie would never be able to forgive himself, knowing that his son would last remember Buck promising him to replace the bear he had lost during the tsunami. The bear had actually been purchased by the man, given to Christopher posthumously by Maddie. 

“You need to stop blaming yourself, Eddie. There was nothing you could have done to stop what happened.” Bobby said. 

“So do you.” Eddie retorted, as Bobby removed his hand and looked like he was going to protest. “I mean it, Cap. You’ve never forgiven yourself for stopping Buck’s return, but we both know it was only to protect him.”

Bobby let out a pained sigh. Before he could say something else meaningful, the alarms blared and the two firefighters rushed down the stairs. As they joined their teammates, the absence of the youngest member of the team was obvious. His locker had been retired, used as a memorial for all to see. A photograph was pinned to the wall, a clear sign that he would be remembered by all who worked at the 118 throughout the years. 

♠♠♠♠

_Athena Grant had not expected the frantic call from her husband that shift. She had been waiting for a message from him to tell him how Buck had gotten on. Instead, she had been told that he had not even shown up for his shift. Concern had grown within her gut, especially when Bobby had told her that Eddie had left to find him. The boy had grown up over the years, and even though she felt annoyance towards him for the lawsuit against her husband, she still loved him as one of her own children._

_Her patrol had taken her automatically near Buck's apartment. She sat in her car, waiting for Eddie’s reply when dread consumed her. The transmission through the radio - Buck’s apartment. There was no doubt in her mind that something was amiss, as she called on the radio to on the scene and shot up the stairs. She didn’t recall arriving at the apartment door, nor the voices on her radio attempting to reach her for more information. Gun in front of her, Athena turned into the apartment._

_She would remember the sight until her dying days._

_Eddie, hands covered in blood, clinging to a body that was on the floor. A still, lifeless body that looked identical to that of the boy her husband loved like a son. A body that looked identical to that of the boy that had once saved her life. A body that looked identical to that of the boy who had entered the Diaz family without any hesitation._

_Evan Buckley was dead._

_“Please don’t leave me… please don’t be gone… I love you…”_

_Athena could hear Eddie’s hysterical mumbles, as she found her feet once more and moved forward. She tried to keep her emotions in check, to stay as the cop she was, knowing that Eddie needed to be moved. The two bloody stains on Buck’s chest were evident to her that this needed to be treated as a crime scene. She managed to get her arm around Eddie’s shoulder, as she whispered to him in comfort. She could hear the sirens outside, more officers would soon be arriving._

_“I didn’t get to tell him that I loved him.”_

_At Eddie’s confession, Athena allowed herself to bring him into a full embrace._

♠♠♠♠

The twelve-story block of apartments had been condemned two months before. As the 118 arrived, it was evident that a group of residents who had refused to leave were now in danger. The building had started to collapse from the center, a side effect from the mini earthquake which had struck two weeks before. Another incident without Buck by his side, as Eddie rushed into the building with the team’s latest temporary member behind him. 

Time passed at normal speed, yet Eddie didn’t know how long he had been inside the building. He had managed to release three residents from one apartment - who had refused at first, and only left once part of the ceiling had fallen down near to them. He had lost sight of his colleague, his radio cracking out of signal in some spots. 

It occurred without warning, as these events often do. 

One moment he had been about to find the staircase, the next the floor had crumbled beneath him. Eddie did not know how many floors he had fallen through. There was a break in the drop, a solid concrete floor being slammed into. Eddie whimpered in pain, as debris-covered him, pinning him down. His radio chirped back to life from somewhere to his left. 

“...Diaz please respond…” “...Firefighter Diaz…” “...EDDIE!...”

The radio crackled, as Bobby’s voice came through, panic clear throughout every single transmission. Eddie was unable to move his arm to where his radio had fallen. The right side of his body pinned by fallen debris, smoke started to filter through the gaps. Eddie let out a weak coughing fit, as he gave up attempting to find a way to reach his radio to signal for help. He felt helpless, as he faced the end of his time. 

Christopher would be without his parents. His heart constricted at the mere thought of his little boy being told his daddy had been killed. He had lost his mother, then he had lost his Buck, both still raw in the young boys’ memory. How could this be his destiny? How could fate allow him to leave behind the one person who depended on him? No amount of willpower would allow his body to move, the debris pinning him firmly. 

Would he see Buck once more?

His best friend - his soul mate - had been taken from him too soon. Eddie would always feel guilty at the silence he had issued Buck in the weeks before his murder. If they were reunited, would Buck even wish to see him? The radio chimed once more, Bobby speaking that they were coming to find him when it was stable. Eddie knew that it would be too late, he would be taken before they could make the structure safe. 

“Don’t you die on me, Diaz.”

Eddie felt his gaze move suddenly towards a golden light. The voice which had spoken was familiar and completely unbelievable. As the light started to fade away, a tall and slim figure stood there. They were wearing a golden suit with a look of concern on their features. Eddie groaned in pain, as he tried to remember hitting his head during the fall. 

“You can’t give up, Eddie. Christopher needs his father, it’s not your time to leave.” The Buck look-alike said as he moved forward. Not!Buck, as Eddie had started to refer to him in his mind, knelt down next to him. Eddie, unable to speak through his pain, started to close his eyes. Losing the fight to stay awake, he actually felt something touching his arm and as everything started to fade to black, a flash of gold could be seen just before he lost consciousness. 

♠♠♠♠

_ As the crew arrived back from the call, Bobby’s phone was still absent of any calls from Eddie. He knew that Hen and Chimney were just as worried. If Eddie had found Buck, there would have been some word. Athena was also now silent, and Bobby wondered if this was some sort of sign.  _

_ “Cap, maybe we should go round?” Hen questioned, sharing a look with her best friend as Bobby shook his head reluctantly. _

_ “We’ve got to finish this shift. I’m sure - “  _

_ Though what Bobby was sure about was not spoken. His eyes were drawn to a familiar figure walking towards them. Captain Elaine Maynard of the LAPD made her way slowly, a look on her features which made him internally panic. He daren't look towards his team, though he knew that they would share the same feeling.  _

_ “Captain.” He greeted, as she joined them.  _

_ “Captain Nash.” She retorted, her tone gentle, a side he had never actually heard from her before. Before she could continue, Bobby saw his own boss walk in through the firehouse doors, a few firefighters behind him. _

_ “What’s going on?” Chimney asked, as the dread with Bobby almost consumed him. Whatever had happened, he knew that it would not be good.  _


	2. Chapter 2

Beep. 

Beep.

Beep. 

Eddie felt himself starting to stir, the noise penetrating into his skull. It wasn’t the noise of his alarm, nor of his fire alarm. It was a constant beeping, which caused him to attempt to open his eyes. Every one of his limbs felt as though they were lead. As he attempted to open his eyes, white came into view. Eddie blinked rapidly, realizing something was obstructing his throat. He started to splutter, attempting to move his hands, panic swarming throughout him. 

“Eddie, it’s okay.” Hen. Why could he hear Hen’s voice? “You’ve got a tube in your throat. Try to relax… that’s it…”

At Hen’s soothing voice, as she tried to calm him, as he heard footsteps rushing into the place he clearly was lying, his eyes started to droop once more.

♠

The obstruction had been removed. 

That was the first thought which he had as he woke once more, several hours later. His limbs still felt heavy, yet he was able to move his head slightly as he blinked the world into view. He was lying in a hospital room, the beeping had been caused by machines that were attached to him next to his bed. Feeling a heavy presence on his left side, Eddie managed to turn his head and spotted the sleeping body of his son curled up next to him. 

He turned his gaze towards the corner of the room, spotting his abuela sitting in a chair. She had a book on her lap, though she didn’t appear to be taking in the contents. Eddie didn’t want to wake his son, as he tried to make a noise to gain her attention. She looked up, shock appearing, as she moved towards his side swiftly. She smoothed down his hair - just as she had when he was a child - and pressed a kiss on his forehead without protest. 

“You gave us a scare.” She said quietly. “You’ve been here for two weeks. Christopher has visited every day, along with those from the 118. They’ve been sitting with you, attempting to convince Christopher to rest.”

Eddie felt a pang of guilt, knowing he had been unable to comfort his son. 

“How did I get here?” Eddie croaked out, his voice hoarse from the tubing. He attempted to remember what had occurred before he had fallen unconscious. He knew that the ceiling had fallen, which had pinned him down without allowing him to move. 

“That family of yours brought you here.” His abuela said, speaking about his 118 teammates. He knew that she was aware of how important they were to both Diaz boys. “When you arrived you weren’t awake, and taken straight into surgery.”

Surgery?

Eddie wanted to know more. He wanted to know why he had been in surgery, to know what injuries he had suffered. He wanted to know how his team had found him in time. He could remember the debris falling, that there would not have been a way to him without hours of stabilizing the area he had been trapped in. As his abuela spoke, Eddie started to tune out without meaning too. His thoughts were on his final moments of consciousness. 

♠

Christopher had been convinced to leave after breakfast the next morning, being taken to school with a newly minted smile on his features. The young boy knew that his father would heal, which caused him to be extra clingy before he had left. The room had been quiet, until the arrival of his captain. Eddie smiled, sitting up with pillows propped behind him. His right arm was in a cast, and he had suffered three broken ribs which had led to internal bleeding. He had no idea how long he would be out of work, but he was grateful for the chance he had been given with his son. 

“You know how to give us a scare.” Bobby said, as he sat in the seat next to his colleagues hospital bed. “When you didn’t answer your radio, we thought we had lost you.”

There was an unspoken ‘as well’, which neither commented on. 

“I couldn’t reach my radio. I could hear you calling, I wanted to reply.” Eddie said. “I thought I wouldn’t get out of there. How - how did you find me?”

He had fallen through two floors, being pinned by debris. He had not been able to radio to his team his location prior to that. He had been on at least the fifth floor of the building, inaccessible to the other rescuers. 

“We found you at the bottom of the stairs on the ground floor.” Bobby said, after bringing Eddie’s cup to him for a few sips of water. “You were in a pretty poor condition.”

“Ground floor?” Eddie questioned. “I was on at least the fifth floor once I fell, how did I end up there?”

As Eddie questioned his captain, a memory came back to him. Golden light, a familiar voice, a familiar touch on his arm. Had he really seen Buck - or had it been his imagination showing him what he desired to see the most? Christopher had told him that he had seen Buck wearing gold, had his mind reflected that? 

“We don’t know, Eddie. Are you sure you didn’t find a way there?”

Eddie shook his head. He knew that he wouldn’t have been able to move himself, the debris had been heavy. His mind felt jumbled by memories, which he couldn’t piece together in a sure timeline. How had he managed to drag himself underneath the debris, and down to the ground floor, whilst bleeding and with broken bones? Eddie knew that there was no way - not with all the will power in the world - he would have been able to achieve such a feat. 

Had Buck really been there?

It was impossible. He had been the one to discover the body, he had been there at his funeral. There was no faking the man's end. So how, in what he believed would be his final moments, was he able to truly see a corporal version of his friend?

♠♠♠♠

_ “It’s too soon.” _

_ Chimney’s protest was ignored by his girlfriend. Instead, Maddie pulled her work shirt on, for the first time since her brother’s death. She wasn’t in the mood to have an argument with him, though she knew it was inevitable. Their relationship had been a little on edge since she had discovered her brothers’ team hadn’t been supportive of his quest to reach them once more.  _

_ “I can’t sit around this apartment anymore,” Maddie told him, as she pulled on her wristwatch. “If I do, I am going to lose my mind. This way I am doing something productive. Buck… Buck would want me to help others.” _

_ Chimney knew he had lost the battle but he was unwilling to stop trying.  _

_ “Mads, they don’t expect you back yet. At least take the time you need. The funeral is next week, maybe after that?” _

_ Maddie turned to him with a glare.  _

_ “I know that I am burying my baby brother. I don’t need to be reminded.” Maddie said, and Chimney was apologetic. She winced. “Sorry… I don’t mean to snap at you, Chim.” _

_ He walked forward, wrapping her into a comforting embrace. They both were annoyed by the door, as someone wrapped against it. Chimney moved, looking for the small hole, and spotting a familiar face. As he pulled open the door, Maddie shared his surprised expression.  _

_ “Athena, is everything okay?” She asked as she wondered to the two. Athena let out a pained sigh, dressed in civilian clothes.  _

_ “I wanted you to hear this from me, Maddie.” She said, looking between the two of them. “There’s been an arrest.” _

♠♠♠♠

Eddie hadn’t visited Buck’s grave since the funeral. It had been too difficult for him to admit that he would never return, that he would never get the chance to reveal to Buck how he truly felt. Three weeks after being released from the hospital, Eddie found himself by the grave. There were fresh flowers neatly propped up against the stone, a sign that Maddie had visited recently. 

His arm was still out of commission, wrapped in a cast. He was meant to be resting but had left his home once his Abuela had taken Christopher to school. He knew that she would be furious with him when she returned to find the house empty, however, he hadn’t been able to truly rest in months. 

“I was really hoping for a miracle.” 

His voice was hoarse as he spoke. He felt ridiculous, though he could also sense the other person with him. Eddie would never forgive himself for how distant the two had become. He often wondered if he had acted on his feelings, would Buck have felt the need to complete the lawsuit? Would Christopher still have his Buck with them? 

“I know I was just being stupid,” Eddie said. “How could you save me? It’s impossible. I guess I was just hoping that it wasn’t too late. That I will wake up and discover the last few months were nothing more than a nightmare.”

There would be no miracle. 

“This is the first time you’ve visited me.”

Eddie froze as the familiar voice spoke from in front of him. Slowly, he moved his eyes from the words written on the stone. They slowly made their way from the feet of the person to the golden suit they were wearing, to the face and a familiar birthmark which lay upon it. Buck wasn’t smiling, his face uncharacteristically void of emotion as he spoke. 

“Hello, Eddie.”

♠♠♠♠

_ Taylor Kelly had been banned from the firehouse after her attempts to force interviews on the remaining team. It had been confirmed by both the chief and the police, in order to protect those who were still mourning. Every local news channel was running the updates on the popular firefighter’s murder. The idea that he had been murdered had sent shockwaves throughout the community. The fact that a lawyer named Chase Mackey had been arrested brought many questions.  _

_ The sketchy lawyer was denying the crime, which meant those who adored Buck knew they would be required to face a lengthy and heartbreaking trial. When the team had heard how much money Buck had refused, they had realized the true heart of their youngest family member. It was clear to them all that money had never been the motive for his suit. He had missed his family, and they had treated him poorly after being blindsided by the lawyers knowledge.  _

_ He would never get the chance to return to the station with them.  _

♠♠♠♠

There was silence. 

Eddie felt faint, as he stared at the face of his best friend. The man who had been taken from them. The man he had fallen in love with - an emotional state he hadn’t realized until it was too late for both of them. He knew that it could not be true. There were no miracles to be held, he had seen Buck’s body. There were still nightmares being suffered about that night when he entered Buck’s apartment and his entire world was shattered. There had been no life-saving capabilities for Evan Buckley.

Was he hallucinating?

Eddie wondered if he had an undiagnosed head injury, which was causing him to see what his heart desired the most. He had spent weeks after finding Buck seeing him. He was in the corner of his eye, he was in every shadow, in the darkness which was around them. Apart of him wanted to reach out, but he was nervous. He didn’t know if he could cope with the reality that would bring his hand and would then start to touch the thin air around him. 

He closed his eyes for a moment. He knew that the moment he reopened them, Buck would no longer be there. Upon this, eyes met, and Buck did not fade. He stood face to face with the younger firefighter whose body he had found months before. There were no physical signs of that moment. He wasn’t able to see the man’s entire body, underneath the golden fabric, yet he could see there were no scars peeking from near his neck. 

“It’s really me, Eddie,” Buck replied, breaking through the silence. “Mostly, it’s difficult to explain.”

For a moment Eddie did not know how to respond to that statement. Difficult to explain? He almost scoffed out loud. He had located Buck’s body. He had ensured that his friend had no life left within him. There was no logical explanation to how the other man could ever be standing in front of him alive - unless he truly was hallucinating. Buck, as if noticing his confusion, took a step forward. Eddie watched as he hesitated for a moment, before reaching out his hand to the top of Eddie’s right arm. 

They had always held a feel-based relationship. Shoulder brushes, embraces, bumps as they walked. Yet, as he felt actual contact for the first time since before the lawsuit, Eddie felt his entire body shudder at the solid hand which was now rested against him. There was no doubt that it was  _ real _ . 

“Bu-Evan? How is this…” He broke off, as Buck just let out a small unfamiliar sigh. He looked around for a moment, before turning to the other man. 

“Let’s go somewhere private. Is Christopher at home?” Buck asked, and Eddie briefly shook his head. His son was spending the day at school, then would be going with Harry and Denny to Hen’s, in an attempt to bring some normality into his childhood. A final glance and Buck’s grip intensified on his shoulder. Before Eddie could ask what was going to happen, a golden light engulfed them, and the entire cemetery fell out of focus. 

♠♠♠♠

A steady flow of vomit erupted into the toilet bowl, as Eddie attempted to control his weakened limbs. One moment, they had been within the cemetery. The next moment, they had been standing within his living room. His entire body had shaken, almost in the feeling one would get whilst suffering extreme turbulence on an airplane. Part of him knew that whatever was happening was truly real. Eddie had no idea how it could be, nor how he was going to cope if he discovered that the man’s death had been some sort of heartbreaking game for them all. 

Rinsing around his gums with cold water, Eddie looked into the bathroom mirror for a moment. There were clear dark lines underneath his eyes. He was paler than usual, due to his stay within the hospital. Pushing himself away from the basin, Eddie managed to convince his wobbling legs to wander. He needed to know the truth, to find out what was going on, to discover where the man he loved had been for the past few months. 

He located Buck standing in Christopher’s bedroom, the pile of drawings scattered over the bed for him to see. Eddie knew it was the images that his son had drawn for Buck especially, ones he had not believed would ever be seen by the recipient. Eddie leaned against the doorway, as he took in the unbelievable sight. Buck - alive, solid, breathing - in his house once more. Just as it always should be, an idea which had been ripped apart the moment he had been taken from them all. 

“He drew them for you.” Eddie stated as Buck didn’t turn around. It was clear he heard him though, as he twitched a little at the sudden interruption of sound. “He told me that he had seen you at his school. I didn’t believe him, I thought he was just imagining the one thing he wanted most in this world. To see his Buck once more…” he paused. “...he wasn’t imagining it, was he?”

Buck placed the last picture onto the bed and turned to face Eddie. He gave a small, almost unnoticeable shake of his head. 

“I had to see him.” Buck said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. “He’s never seen me before, I thought I was safe.”

“Before?” Eddie asked quickly. 

“I’ve watched over him before that day,” Buck confessed. “Always at a safe distance, never noticed by him - by anyone. I got caught, and I knew I needed to stay away. I… I wasn’t able to follow through.”

Had his son seen Buck before? He had always told Eddie he was drawing images for the day Buck returned. Could he have seen Buck before that day, and the other man not have noticed that fact? 

“Buck, you’re alive. How is this even possible?” Eddie asked, trying to ignore the pang of anger that was brewing within him. How could Buck have stayed away from them? How could he have allowed them all to mourn him? Maddie, Bobby had both been almost inconsolable for months. His follow up question was stopped as Buck showed a negative stroke of his head once more, and started a firm answer, which caused him to grow in even more confusion.

“Eddie, you found my body. You saw the amount of blood I lost, the trauma which my body entailed. I am not alive…” 

“Then how are you here?” 

“...I am a guardian.”

There was silence. 

Eddie had no idea what a guardian was. If Buck was dead, how could he be standing in front of him? Yet, Buck’s words almost made sense. He could not have been able to fake his own demise with the way the scene had been set out. Too much blood had been lost for someone who was on blood thinners. Eddie had held the lifeless form of the man close to him for what felt like hours, and there had been no glimmer of life. 

“I was chosen to help others, Eddie. That night, the night I was… murdered…” his voice broke as he spoke those words. “...I blacked out because of the pain. My last thoughts were off you all. Maddie, Christopher, the 118, you… I didn’t want to leave. I woke up at the firehouse. Everything was white, it was empty, there was a silence I had never experienced before. The last thing I remembered before waking was an uncontrollable pain, it was bliss for a few moments to feel nothing. Then the memory of my final moments came back to me, and I knew it was over.” Buck spoke fluidly, as Eddie listened intently. “Then, from the light, a figure appeared. Dressed in gold, he explained that I had been given an opportunity. To be a guardian to those who need support, to ensure that another person isn’t taken from the world too soon.” Buck paused. “I was taken too soon. They could not foresee my passing, which is why I wasn’t protected. I chose to accept the role, to continue saving others, even if I couldn’t be a firefighter any longer.”

As Buck finished speaking, they both sat at the edge of Eddie’s couch. The realization that Buck was next to him - in the flesh - was overwhelming for him. He wanted nothing more than to reach out, to touch him on the arm to confirm he was actually real. However, the thought of that also caused him grief, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stay with him. 

“Can you stay?” Eddie asked eventually, attempting not to allow his voice to break whilst speaking. 

“It’s against the rules.” Buck replied. 

Rules. 

The reason that Buck had dropped out of becoming a Navy SEAL. The reason he was reprimanded at work at times. There had been a time he had lived without following rules, tweaking them for his own gain. He had been told, rather firmly, that if he interfered with his past life then he could have his guardian status removed and he would move on. Just being there with Eddie, speaking to him, still loving him meant there was a chance he would be caught by the powers above. 

“I tried to stay away. You know me, Eddie. I’ve never been good at following orders. I’ve stopped by to watch Maddie, to watch the team, to watch you, Christopher…” his voice broke at the mention of his favorite superman. “...when I saw you about to be killed, I had no choice. I wasn’t going to let that little boy become an orphan. I wasn’t going to let you be taken from a life where you help so many.”

He paused for a moment. 

“I promised to not interfere with my past life. That is a promise which I have broken. If they find out I have, I know what the consequences will be.” Buck told him, as he longed to reach out to take his hand in comfort. Instead, he kept his arms close to him, so that he could manage to leave the property without any resistance. If he were to move on, he wouldn't be able to help those who needed it. However, he had not truly realized how difficult it would be, not to interact with his chosen family. He had heard Maddie when she had been at his graveside, and the fact she would be welcoming his niece or nephew was heartbreaking, for he knew he would never be able to meet the child.

Neither Eddie nor Buck knew how to continue with the conversation. For the former, he wanted nothing more than to demand the other man stay with them. He didn’t want to be left once more, knowing that he was still somewhere. For the latter, he wanted to remain with them but knew that he was unable to fulfill that desire. His only options were to leave in order to help others - or to move on permanently. Both knew that the other wanted to say more. The unspoken tension between them had always been obvious. Buck knew that he had fallen for Eddie, though he couldn’t pinpoint at what point that had been. When he had seen Eddie and Christopher reunite after the earthquake? When they had taken Christopher to see Santa? When Eddie had confessed there had been no one else he would trust more than Buck with his son? He had confessed those feelings to Maddie just before he had been taken, and he knew that she would have never spilled the confession. 

“Eddie, no one else can know about this,” Buck said eventually, heavyhearted. He longed to be able to physically see his family, the ones he loved. He wanted to watch as the children in their family grew, he wanted to see Chim and Maddie as parents, he wanted to see Christopher experience life to the fullest.

“You can’t just leave us again,” Eddie said, as he turned to face him. “I gotta tell you something important…”

He had no choice but to break off when he spotted Buck looking elsewhere. He cocked his head to the side, as he watched Buck having some sort of silent, internal debate with himself. He stood up with Buck, when the man thrust himself out of his seat. 

“I’ll be back,” Buck promised, before he disappeared in the same golden light as what brought them there. As the space in which Buck had stood emptied, Eddie continued to stare at it for minutes after. Had what just happened truly, actually, just occurred? 

♠♠♠♠

For almost a week, Eddie continued as best he could. His cast was still prominent, which meant he remained on medical leave from work. That did not stop Bobby and Athena from popping round with homemade soups or food, of Hen to come around for a catch up (whilst Christopher and Denny played video games), for Chimney and Maddie to arrive with images of their last sonogram. If they noticed that he was absentminded, or often looked away from them to the darkest corners of outside as if he was trying to see someone in the shadows, they did not mention. 

Buck hadn’t returned after his disappearance from the house. He still did not know how to react to the idea his best friend, the man he had fallen for, could be there. Apparently, not alive, but still living in the world with purpose. He had spent time attempting to research ‘guardians’, in order to truly believe that he had been hallucinating the entire meeting. There had been webpages of lore, of myths and untruths. Eddie was no closer in learning about the man's face, then actually understanding how it had come to be. 

“Eddie, are you okay?”

Maddie sat opposite him, a cup of decaffeinated tea in her hands. Eddie’s own coffee was left on the coffee table, cooling and almost forgotten about. Christopher sat and watched television, leaving the two adults to speak. Chimney was on shift, and Eddie was yet to receive the all-clear to return. It felt almost twisted, that he now suddenly understood why Buck had gone almost stir crazy during his own absence. Had he given any thought to Buck’s own welfare during that time? Eddie couldn’t find the words, as Maddie let out a sigh. 

“I miss him every day.” She said. Even without the name, they both knew who she was speaking about. “I haven’t been to visit him as often recently. I feel guilty that I let him down before everything happened.”    


“You weren’t the one who let him down,” Eddie replied with certainty in his voice. He knew that Maddie had been the only one there for him. They had all played some part in distancing Buck from their lives, whether it be on purpose or accidental. Eddie knew that Hen, who had supported him throughout even if it were not obvious to the others, felt guilt. Maddie had been on his side, she had defended him to Chimney, and the fall out when she had discovered their actions had not been easy. “He needed me, and I wasn’t there for him. I was worried that he would no longer be there for Christopher, that I would have to explain to my son why he wasn’t able to see him. I should have forced him to see me, I shouldn’t have cared about that stupid lawsuit.”

“Buck cared so much about Christopher,” Maddie told him. “Throughout the lawsuit, he was petrified that he wouldn’t get to see him again. He loved spending time with him. You know he always wanted children? I think he saw Christopher as that chance.” Eddie had to smile, as Maddie continued. “He cared about you, Eddie. More than I think he ever told you. If he could, he would be here with you. With all of us.”

Eddie looked towards the window, as Maddie continued to speak. Buck hadn’t returned since he had left him a week before. He feared that he would not be able to see the man again. Had those who had given him the chance to be a guardian caught his actions? Had he moved on without being able to say his goodbyes?    


♠♠♠♠

Leaning against the kitchen counter, Eddie rose the steaming mug of coffee and took a sip. His son had been asleep for two hours, and the final question which he had asked was still reeling. 

_ “Do you think Bucky will be back soon?” Christopher asked as Eddie tucked the covers around his son. The question caused Eddie to almost lose his balance, as he caught himself on the youngest Diaz’ corner table. It had been two days since his conversation with Maddie, bringing it to nine days since he had seen Buck in person. He was starting to wonder whether he had truly imagined the entire scene, whether his heart had allowed him to see the person he wanted the most for a few moments. _

Eddie had not known how to reply. 

“Coffee before bed? Are you aiming to sleep at all, Eddie?”

The mug was almost dropped onto the kitchen floor. As the liquid sloshed, some splashed out onto his right hand. Eddie let out a small curse, as he placed the mug onto the side and looked towards the living area. Buck stood there, a worried look on his features, but was there. He moved around from the counter, eyes darting to make sure Christopher was not out of bed. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Eddie hissed, as he finally realized that he had been faced with his friend in the flesh. Buck looked down for a moment, awkward and a hint of guilt flashing. 

“I have to leave.” 

Leave.

Leave. 

The one word Eddie had not wanted to hear. He couldn’t lose Buck once more. He had barely coped with that the first time. 

“Leave? Buck, I just found you again. You can’t just disappear.”

Buck reached out and took Eddie’s hands into his own. For the first time, Eddie realized that there was no warmth within the other male. His skin was ice cold. Eddie moved his hand up slightly to Buck’s wrist, as he pressed gently down, unable to find any pulse or sign of his life. 

“I wasn’t brought back to life, Eddie.” Buck whispered. “Just brought back. I’m still dead. I don’t have a heartbeat. I don’t have any physical feelings. I don’t have any bodily functions. Eddie, I can’t stay with you. They found out about saving you, that’s where I have been. I was given a final chance. I can stay, I can remain a guardian - I cannot see anyone from my past again.”

“I can’t lose you again. I - I love you, Evan. I always have, I just didn’t realize until it was too late for us.”

There was no taking back the words. Buck gripped his hands tighter, as he showed a true smile for the first time since they had reunited. It was a smile he had seen before, one he had been devastated that he may never witness once more. 

“I love you, Eddie.”

Confession. 

“Eddie, if I had a choice, I would remain with you. I would stay here, see Christopher grow up. I would watch Maddie become a mother. I would stay with the 118, go to Athena and Bobby’s for dinner which doesn’t end in disaster. That option wasn’t given to me.” Buck stopped, as he tried to make his explanation as clear as possible. “Eddie, I was told I could move on or stay to help others. You know the type of person I am. I can’t let anyone else be taken from this world too soon.”

They both knew that he would never allow anyone to stop him from helping. Hadn’t that been what caused the argument - the lawsuit - in the first place?

“I have to say goodbye.”

Eddie nodded slowly. He closed his eyes, as the cold hands gripped his own tightly. It was then he made his decision. He moved forward, eyes reaching Buck’s almost as if they were seeking permission. Once granted, he moved to bring the slightly taller male into the first kiss they would share. There was a coldness around them both which neither commented on. Neither knew how long the kiss was shared for, nor remembered when Buck finally broke apart. They stayed close together, foreheads touching. 

“Make sure Bobby forgives himself. He still blames himself for Mackey’s actions, I need him to know that I loved him. He was more of a father than my own.” Buck told him quietly. “Keep everyone safe, and Christopher, and tell Maddie’s baby I love them. I love you, Eddie. Never forget that.”

They stayed together, standing there for a few moments long. Then, golden light consumed them, and Eddie felt the cold body disappear. He opened his eyes, and Buck was no longer in front of him. All that remained was the cold tingle across his lips, and tear marks across his cheeks. 


	3. Epilogue

He blinked rapidly, as a bright light attempted to seek through. The bed beneath him felt solid, cold, unlike how it usually allowed him to be sunk into the groves. He reached out for his covers, as his fingers slid across an almost concrete surface. Eddie opened his eyes fully, slowly sitting up. Instead of the bedroom, he had fallen asleep within, he had somehow awoken on the floor of the 118 firehouse. It had been many years since he had taken a step within its walls - the last to honor his godson Evan Han upon his appointment to captain. 

Everything had changed. 

There were no vehicles to be seen. He was alone, as the silence was obvious, and almost suffocating. He could not see the entrance, for where it had usually stood was covered in an almost blinding white light. Eddie stood slowly, noted that there was not the usual click of his knees or pang of pain in his left hip. Bringing his hands to his face, he was shocked to notice the lack of lines or wrinkles. It was then he caught a glimpse of himself in the glass panels. 

He had fallen asleep at the age of eighty-seven - yet he was suddenly looking at a version of himself from his thirties. 

“This is impossible…” Eddie muttered, wondering whether he would awake from the dream he was clearly having at some point soon. He hadn’t thought about the firehouse for many years. 

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

It wasn’t the sudden introduction of a voice that caused him to startle. Instead, it was the tone and familiarity of the voice which gave him pause. Eddie closed his eyes, as he thought back to the person who had remained in his thoughts, whom he had never forgotten. There had been many moments in his life he had wanted to hear the voice again, yet, over time small details had faded from his memory. It had been fifty-four years since he had parted ways with the man he had loved, and still, no day went past without wonder of what they could have had. 

“This is a dream, isn't it?” Eddie whispered, never wanting it to end. He was afraid to open his eyes and turn around. He was afraid of allowing himself to chance to see Buck, only for it not to be real. 

“I’m afraid this is completely real, Eddie.” Buck’s voice replied. “You passed away in the night. My namesake found you this morning. You are not dreaming. We are both truly here.”

Eddie finally opened his eyes and turned around. Buck stood near the light, just as he had all those years before. He remained at the age he had when he had been murdered - forever twenty-eight. Eddie took in the birthmark, then the same smile which he had fallen in love with the moment they had met. He took a pained breath, longing to rush forward, but managing to compose himself. 

“I didn’t think I was allowed to see you again.” He remembered the rules which had been set. For as long as Buck completed his duties as a guardian, the two were not able to see one another. “I… why am I this age again?”

There was a sadness in Buck’s eyes which he desperately longed to remove. 

“Death is truly complex. You have reached The Inbetween, due to your conscious not knowing your truest desire. This is why I have been sent to see you. I am here to help you decide the path in which you wish to take. You are being given the opportunity of rebirth, Eddie. It is a very rare gift for someone who has only just passed, usually, others experience the afterlife before making decisions to return. Instead, The Powers That Be have seen promise with you. If you choose not to pass through to the afterlife, they promise you a rebirth of fortune and purpose.”

Afterlife. He had never truly believed in the concept of the afterlife until Buck had appeared to him as a guardian. If he chose to be reborn, Eddie knew he would forget everyone he loved. Christopher, his family, _B_ _uck_. Yet, he also did not want to spend an afterlife without the man he loved by his side. 

“I have waited for this moment for fifty-three years, Buck. To be reunited with you, to tell you how much you still love you.” Eddie did not want to choose an option that meant he would lose everyone once more. “You can’t ask me to lose you again. There must be another choice.” 

The other man moved towards him. Buck looked into his eyes as a silent sign for permission, as he touched Eddie’s shoulder. Contact, for the first time since they had been reunited all those years before, and then separated. 

“I’ve seen many of our family members who were given this chance. Bobby. Athena. Maddie. Christopher…” at the name of his son, Eddie tensed up. Losing his son had been even more difficult than Buck. “... I can’t tell you about the path they decided to choose. Whether you will be reunited with them. You need to make this decision on your own.” Buck moved closer, and Eddie felt drawn to him just as he had when they first met. 

“I won’t lose you,” Eddie whispered once more. Almost in synchronized movements, they rested their foreheads together. He had missed the moments of intimacy, he had missed feeling Buck’s presence. Eddie had never fully moved on from losing Buck, from never being able to be with him. 

“You won’t have to,” Buck replied. “Whatever you decide, I am going to be coming with you.”

Eddie brought his head back, as he looked directly into the blue orbs. 

“What about your charges?”

“I have permission to move on from my work. I’ve been a guardian for over fifty years, Eddie. I spent each day waiting for the moment we would be reunited. Whatever path you decide to take us on, I am going to be by your side.”

Just as it had been for their first - and last - kiss, Eddie started moving forward. They connected, with no denying of passion nor intensity. They were the only two people there, arms wrapped around each other. They were reunited, promised to each other forevermore.

**Author's Note:**

> Please make sure you have read the notes before you continue - Major Character Death (though with a twist). Thank you darlings <3


End file.
